Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

I have kept a diary since November 21, 1998 – my fourteenth birthday.

Here lies 10 years of unadulterated indiscretions for your viewing pleasure.

I like to think of them as my magic mirror on the wall. They reflect my belief that everything is about me, and they can’t lie.

Let’s start at the beginning:

The date is December 4, 1998. I am a freshly minted fourteen-year-old and by the sound of it, I am already suffering from a serious case of the Boy Crazies.

The first prince charming to see page time is Tony Vargas. According to my magic mirror Tony is…

“a sweet, beautiful sophomore who is so perfect for me! He is dark skinned, polite, practically gorgeous, AND he likes me.”

Except…

SIX other boys get mentioned in the first four pages of my diary, which covers a mere 3-day period. Tony may not be “the one.”

Ian – “is like my best friend, and its totally obvious that he wants me. Dating Tony should teach him to wait too long for love.”

Mike – “poked me in the stomach and told me he knew I wanted it.”
Very romantic.

Tom – “is pretty cute, but he told Ian that I had a jew nose.”
Ignorant prick.

Nick – “is like an older version of Ian, except he plays the guitar and drives an awesome 1996 Toyota Corolla.” 
I’m wet just thinking about it.

Mosher – “fingered some girl in the bathroom and tried to get me to smell his finger.” 
Sounds like a charmer.

Frasier – “is a freshman. He is so cool! He’s in Forensics and stuff – but he smokes and he is a punk.”
Thank god.

At this point, I am wondering – Did I know any females other than bathroom slut girl? How did I pull off a 4.0? When do boys grow up and become men? Oh wait…

Lesson #1: There are lots of boys in High School. Try to go back somehow. Drew Barrymore proved this works in Never Been Kissed, and Hollywood is just like real life.